An English Breakfast

if i made a list of everything i learnt on my mission, it would never end! 
and if there is one thing i learnt it is that my mission is never over. we are all serving a mission here on this earth! and we all have purpose and there truly is a plan. i think if there was one easy guide or solution that i have learn, like the trick to this mission is best explained by a little parable...

because i love and miss england i will describe it by thinking of a full english breakfast. you have your eggs, toast, beans, tomato, sausage, and your bacon. lets think about the chicken and the pig. whats the difference between them? 

well, the chicken contributed to the breakfast & the pig gave everything! 

so how does this apply to us, to me? i have learned a lot recently about the power and importance of aligning our will to the will of our heavenly father. so often we want so badly for him to grant our every wish and every hope. sometimes it doesn't work like that. he knows whats best and sometimes whats best for us isn't what we necessarily want. 

let me share an example/experience... as many of you know on the 18 april 2015, i was at a dance competition and i had to go to the emergency room in utah to get surgery on my tailbone. then again on 23 february 2016, just 15 days before i left on my mission to england i had to get another surgery on my tailbone and now on the 28 february 2017 i will be getting but yet another surgery on my tailbone. 

the third times a charm right? 

well, in about june i started feeling pain in my tailbone again. i knew something was wrong. i talked to my mission president about it and i saw many doctors, tried taking antibiotics and tried many other supposable solutions. many missionaries fasted with and for me and we all just kept praying that the things the doctors were doing would take the pain away... it didn't. On the 14 of july i recieved a blessing from one of the elders in my ward. normally is struggle to remember the things said and felt during blessings so i always write them in my journal, but there was one particular thing in this blessing that i will never forget. 

i was told that my answer [whether to come home to get surgery or to stay and keep hoping it gets better] would come through the scriptures.  as you could imagine i started to read my scriptures with that question always in mind. i wanted to be open to whatever heavenly father wanted me to do. 

then i realised something... the whole time i had been praying that he would heal me, that he would let me stay, that a miracle would happen. i never really was open to the idea of me actually having to come home. i knew heavenly father could heal me, he could have taken the pain away and that is what i wanted for so long. when i realised how one-sided my faith was i knew something had to change. 

i knew that i needed to have faith in either outcomes, that no matter what happened if i did heavenly fathers will, it would all work out. so, is started praying "thy will be done heavenly father, ill go where you want me to go, ill do what you want me to do & please just help me know thy will." i started studying about jesus christ's life mission... to do the will of his father. i read several talks about aligning our will to him who knows.

but nothing changed & nothing happened. i just kept working and loving what i was doing. miracles happened on the left and on the right! often there were so many miracles that i would even forget i was in pain. but every night as i jumped in bed after praying, i felt it. it was always there, sometimes just easier to ignore. i love the lord and i knew hat it was him giving me strength every day to never complain and to keep striving. i would have went the whole eighteen months in pain if that was heavenly fathers will. 

i kept remembering the counsel i received in that blessing that my answer would come through the scriptures. my eighth of thirteen transfers had just started and i had a new companion, sister lawler. i quickly told her of my medical condition and of some of the slight inconveniences it had caused. she cared a lot and we would talk about it often. 

she prayed for me, i know she did. she cared so much about me even in the first weeks of knowing me and i the same for her. we were meant to be best friends, i know it. i remember talking to her about it and asking her what she does when she has hard choices to make. she told me that she always makes a pro and con list for both options. so one preparation day, in my morning studies i made a pro and con list for me staying on my mission in pain vs. coming home for surgery. 

now before i continue with this experience, we need a little background to give it context. the transfer before sister lawler became my companion she had promised her friend that they would read the doctrine and covenants together. they had a very specific reading chart and they even would both pray together at the same time every night. she had been sticking to her schedule very well, for herself and for her friend. 

so, the morning i made the pro and con list, sister lawler had read doctrine and covenants chapter nine. during her whole studies she felt so prompted to share this chapter with me, but she kept brushing off the prompting.. until five o'clock that evening we were preparing to go email our families.. she looked at me and said, "sister smiddy i have a really strong feeling to share with you what i studied this morning." i went and grabbed my scriptures and read chapter nine. 

the verses that stuck out the most to us was verses eight and nine,  

" 8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
 9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given you from me."

we talked about this for a while, what it is saying, how it could apply, ect. whilst we were talking i said a prayer in my head and heart. i pleaded with the lord, that he would help me understand what this means and how does it effect me. surely he was telling me something. as soon as i said amen in my head i looked back down at my scriptures, and my eyes went straight to verse four in chapter ten, which reads, 

"4 Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided to enable you to translate; but be diligent unto the end."

in my heart i knew what heavenly father was telling me. i quickly closed the scriptures and changed the subject and tried to forget about it. but the answer dwelled with me. i didn't tell anyone until we had interviews with my mission president and his wife. i was talking to his wife and before we even talked about my health she shared an experience with me about a time when she was listening to a talk where the sister talked about aligning our will with heavenly fathers. then the spirit told me to share my experience, so i did. we cried. and we pressed forward with faith. she said she would talk to president stevens and she would pray and we would figure it all out. before she could talk to president stevens, i had my interview with him. we walked into the room, i said a prayer... and he looked at me after we said amen and he said, "sister smiddy, i think we both know what needs to happen." and we made plans for my departure. 

i was sad, but i knew that i needed to be like the pig and give up all of my will to heavenly father, not just a small contribution of it. 

i know that i am here in blackfoot for these six or so weeks for a reason! i know that heavenly father needs me here right now and i trust in him. i know that just as elder franklin d. richards' says in his october 1972 talk "thy will be done, o lord" that, "As we increase our knowledge and love of the Saviour and indicate our willingness to do his will, we necessarily become more perfect and like him." it is all a part of progression. a step forward to becoming more like the saviour! it truly is what makes us happier.

 he continues on to say, "... we will know God’s will and have the desire and courage to conform. This doctrine or philosophy requires one to deeply love the Lord and have great faith in his judgment." i know that it took me a while to have faith in either options that would happen in this situation, but i know its part of his plan! 

elder richards closes by promising, "By loving the Lord, keeping his commandments, and serving our fellow beings, we are doing his will, and this will bring us great happiness and eternal life." 

we will have eternal life as we become like the pig rather than the chicken. as we give god everything he will bless us. he has blessed me immensely and i am so grateful for everything he has given me! i am grateful to have been able to serve as a full time missionary for one year so far and i can not wait to go back. i am also grateful to be home right now to serve and help here. 

and i leave these things, with my strong testimony of the saviour and heavenly father's plan for each and everyone of us, in the sacred name of jesus christ, amen.